I was wondering on the topic for my next blog. When one of my friends suggested I write an Inside story of marriage.. Now, Thts an interesting topic Is it not my reader!... So here you go!.. The next few blogs( or More) would be dedicated to Marriage!...
Indian Cinema is never complete without a marriage scene.. Normally, in a movie we see a boy meeting girl, falling in love, parents oppose, the couples try to convince their set of parents and finally the marriage, the Movie ends with " They lived happily ever After". Nobody really shows what happens after marriage..
I remember when I reached the adoloscent age, I was fascinated with love marriages, I used to watch all these Romantic movies intently.. and My Mum, who was scared I might follow the footprints always used to point out that most movies end on a happy note and they never show what happens after.. ( Well, According to her atleast, love marriages are not successful and breakdown soon after marriage).. Influenced by her words, I had vowed not to fall into such a trap... Eventually, I didnot fall into that trap, but yes, you guessed it right my reader, I did choose my life partner on my own...
The perception of love marriage has changed a lot over generations. I have seen couples being ousted from their families, being cast as social threats once upon a time for getting married to being accepted these days
Recently, One of my friends got married to a boy of her choice with her parents agreeing to the match although they belong to different social backgrounds and She is very happy after that.. So Now I wonder whether my mom was, you know, wrong about atleast this one!...
I am not a strong believer of religion and my basis to a successful marriage is based on some other criteria.
Most of my cousins have had an arranged match. Some of them have had a love marriage. I have seen arranged marriages crumple like a tower of cards in the same way as so called Love marriage. So, I dont believe arranged marriages are better over love marriages or vice versa, but both stand on the same belief which is the basis of a marriage.
All of us are individuals brought up in different households which have a unique culture. I dont think any two houses in the world follow the same recipe of a traditional dish( although these days they might due to many cookery blogs available on the internet :P).. so when the recipe cannot be same, the thinking, the culture, the tradition can differ too right!..
According to my mum, the basis of a successful Indian marriage is in being arranged by the elders. The latter of which was true in this case. But, although the marriage continues, I dont call it successful..
I have seen the wife literally living in the dread of her husband!.. She is being suppressed by his dominance and he loves to discriminate her infront of everyone.. He makes her do things which she doesnt like and she does it like a meek little rat!.. All this because the girl is less educated than him, is not stunningly beautiful or confident.
At an young age of 32 that poor girl has diabetes, tennis elbow and loads of other illnesses.
See, This is the inside story of a marriage... Now lets analyze this.. This marriage is not successful. It is sustaining only because the girl doesnot have the guts to speak up for herself!.. The husband is a Male chauvinist who takes pride in insulting the poor wife and nurtures his ego by doing so!.. I dont think it should work that way! .. Instead, I feel he should support his wife, build her self confidence and boost her morale by encouraging her to learn something new and most of all make her feel that she is loved and cared for. Inturn, the girl should make an effort to understand her husband's needs, try to cope up with his knowledge and be a wife for him and not his slave..... If this happens, I am sure the marriage will be so successful that it will be envied by everyone around!...
Take another case, In this case, I have seen it work the otherway around.. The husband is being dominated by his wife who puts him down everywhere doesnot appreciate his efforts in taking care of her and nags about his habits all the time. Eventually, the husband bugged of his wife's nagging behavior, took to drinking, and a relationship outside wedlock!.. The wife got to know of his infedility and the marriage just ended in a bad note!.. Now, the girl is in a depression, the husband is lonely and most of all the baby is homeless!...
This is another inside story my reader!.. What do you think went wrong here? The Woman first of all was very rude, nagging and irritating all the time and never appreciated what she had. She constantly compared her husband to others and finally lost him due to this behavior.. She could have simply had a straight talk about her expectations and sorted it out rather than nagging all the time.. Even the husband is at fault here though, He could have put his foot down about the behavior and spoken to her about it instead of drinking or getting into another relationship.. What about the innocent child? Why is the child punished for no mistake?
Both the above instances of marriage is a writer's dream cos we can debate a lot about what is wrong and right about these scenarios.
But, In actual what is inside a marriage?
My Reader, I think it is common in a marriage to have differences.. If there is no difference of opinion, might aswell it is not marriage but a one sided relationship where only one has the say and the other follows.
When two normal individuals with different personalities live together, there is ought to be different perceptions about various things which according to me is normal.. All the matters is that both understand that the perceptions are different, talk and sort out their differences.. For E.g. when me and My partner have some differences, we speak up to each other frankly and then arrive at a common solution so that either of us is not hurt.
Second, About responsibilities.. As we all know Marriage is a commitment for life.. In our marriage wow, We include things like I will take care of you in sickness and health and keep you happy all through our life and not leave you...I dont think it is entirely husband's responsibility to ensure that his wife is happy.. The poor husband slogs his butts off and tries to provide for his wife who wants everything in this world to keep her happy... Nor do I think it is the wife's responsibility to ensure that the husband gets sumptous meals all the time, His tie is always at the stipulated place and his shoes are polished all the time..
Marriage is more about understanding each other and sharing every responsibility. If the wife is not working, she needs to understand that her husband is not a superman and is trying his best to make her life comfortable.. Inturn she should take care of her husband's needs and make it easier for him to go through his work life.. It becomes her responsibility to ensure he gets his food on time, his clothes are laundered and his shoes are polished.. and the kids are taken care of .. Ofcourse, the husband can lend a hand when the wife needs him...
In another way, If the wife is also working, the husband needs to understand that his wife also struggles to make their world a better place to live for the both of them and not make things difficult for her by demanding things unreasonably.. It doesnot become the wife's responsibility to cook a meal for him or launder his clothes.. They should share the chores together.. That way neither the wife is stressed too much after her work.. Nor the husband.. It would increase their WE time and ensure they get some quality time together.. because chores are a lot easier when they are shared..
This is the inside story of marriage my reader.. This is known probably to each and everyone of us but Rarely is this implemented in real world..The husband becomes a miser and tries to stop his wife from buying anything that she wants incase she isnt working and doesnt give any economical independence to her... The wife inturn becomes greedy and demands unrealistic things which the husband cant provide.. and in the other instance, the husband refuses to play his part in the household and which makes the wife too stresssed to handle both home and office..
I really hope that my blog is of some use to you my reader and if this idea is actually put to use, I am sure No husband will complain about his wife nor the wife will struggle to manage.. Instead, There will be so much peace and quiet that Marriage will really seem to be a pair made in heaven..
The saying "And they lived happily everafter" will actually mean happily ever after :)