Tuesday, 21 September 2010

A boon called Daughter!

It was a beautiful day!.. Early Morning rays were kissing her Good morning and she was in turn smiling in her sleep..
Ah, It was a beautiful sight! I could just watch her sleep through out the day.. Such is the serene beauty of her that emmitted a radiance wherever she went..

Every single day of my life, I thanked God for bestowing upon me nature's priceless creation. Quickly, I darted to my wardrobe to get my camera.. I had to capture this moment of blissful innocence...

We had met hardly 3 years ago but still she has become the very reason of my existence. The very reason of my slogging day and night in the office to provide her the finest of clothing, the best of education and a perfect life. But Life is far from Perfect!

Mama, What are you thinking? Asks my innocent little daughter and I am broken out of my reverie.. There I was sitting at my desk in my study and trying to analyze the situation at home.

By the way, I am a working mother to a lovely daughter. Lovely because my daughter is the most understanding thing in the world and always got along with any schedule that I conferred upon her based on my convinience..
But today, I am in a dilemma. My Inlaws are troubling me to bear a son. According to my inlaws, our family was incomplete without a heir. It is as if we are the last descendants of the species and if we die without a heir the entire species would be extinct!..
 In recent times,I have noticed somethings which were weird ( atleast according to me). My husband has started saving for my daughters wedding and my inlaws are preserving anything and everything to pass on to her in Dowry..

I dont understand... Are Girl's of today not self dependant? I have not seen any difference between a girl and a boy.. God has given both equal amount of brains, Strength.. A girl is capable of studying as much as a boy and even excels in studies in today's times.. You can see more of Girls than boys in the topper lists..
I have always known Girls who are there for their parents even after their wedding. A girl not only accepts her husband's home as her own and cares for them, She never leaves behind her own family. She just adds new responsibilities...
I have always seen, Boys struggling to take care of their parents after their wedding.. I have seen men saying what they earn is not suffice for their family hence, they cant take care of their parents, but I have never seen a girl doing the same thing.. As a girl of today, even after 3 years of my wedding, I can claim I have never put my parents down. When I can manage both my homes efficiently, Why cant a man?? Then what is the point of yearning for a son when he doesnot care for his parents?

During the times when there was an argument on this matter, My Inlaws say, there should be some one to pass on the family legacy and take care of the final rites when we die.. This is the most weirdest thing I have heard.. Why bother what happens after we die? Why cant a girl pass on the family legacy? Dont I give my daughter the same cultural upbringing as I might give my son had it been the case?
I have read in newspapers that people actually check the gender of the foetus and try to kill it just because it is a girl!... This is a murder. How can you stop a child from coming to the earth just based on what gender it is?
I have also seen people differentiating in terms of facilities.. I remember long time ago, my own uncle put his boy in a private school with better facilities and his daughter would go to the nearest govt  school. Further he stopped the girl from studying engineering even though she was a topper of her school while her brother got to go to the best Engineering college in the area although his father paid a lumpsum for his admission. But Why such a bias?? The Irony is that the girl, although was denied education is doing well in her profession and the boy who was given such  preferential treatment is working in a call center which is nowhere close to his degree! Today, My uncle is proud because he has a daughter!... Wow, thats some transformation!

Long time ago, when my sister was born, Nobody visited my mother or the baby just because it was a girl!,
Also,I remember my own grandmother forcing my mother to have a son, She even threatened to kill herself If my mother opted for the surgery!...... My mother did give into her and along came my brother.. But all along their lives they had to skrimp on things because they had to bring one more member in the family whom they couldnt afford owing to their financial commitments..And Imagine, if the third child was a girl too... then would my poor parents have been forced yet again! and if it were the case, My parents would have to just skrimp further and God knows, if they could afford us the education they have given the three of us.. had there been a fourth one!

 My parents are never to be blamed for what they did because they never differentiated between us.. But All along my life, I remember my relatives pitying my mother for having two daughters... Although, today the same relatives are proud to call both of us a part of their family just because we are successful in our fields and earn as much as a  boy could earn..What an Irony!...

The Point here is that I am against the whole idea of yearning for a son.. For me, the most important thing in this world is to provide a comfortable life to my offspring be it a boy or a girl.. I, as a person would never compromise to bring in another life when I know that I cannot afford it.. Even if it would mean I dieing without a heir apparent (whatever that means!)..

People, it is a beautiful feeling to have a daughter in your life and those of you who dont have one, you are missing out on something so exotic. I can giveup a thousand sons to have one daughter because, A son is a son till he gets himself one, But a daughter is a daughter all her life!

Please stop female infanticide. Let the girl child live. Please uphold all the rights for girlchildren. Please remember everybody has an equal right to survive, be it a boy or a girl!

Monday, 13 September 2010

A Scary Number called Age!!!

Hiya Guys,

Its been almost a week since I blogged anything. First of all, Thanks to all my readers for encouraging me... It is nice to be praised for a change!...

Nice topic eh!.. I know!... I turn a year older pretty soon and thought this is a nice topic to be touched upon..

Honestly speaking, Age is an enigma to me.. I have never understood the characteristics of Age..

When I was three, I got my first sibling. I dont remember all of it, but yes, I do remember people telling me, now that I have a sibling, I should act older.. I am yet to grasp how a three year old acts.. and by the looks of it, I never will cos, my son steps into his 3rd year soon... and I cant get hold of him...:)
Anyways,  At 3, because of my sister I was considered to be elder. When I turned 4, I started school, This probably was the biggest transition yet in my life then and I could no more feel responsible than I was at the age 3.. Moving on,  I grew older.. or atleast the numbers around my age increased, 4 to 5 to 6 .. I did find some changes in life like, I had more to study.. I had another sibling (which meant I am more elder by then.. Whatever that meant!) and I could travel alone under adult supervision ( read School bus.. Without parents) But, Yet, I didnot feel a day more than 3.. I enjoyed playing like I did when I was three. I was as innocent as I was at 3 ofcourse, I might have looked a different than I was at 3 but I didnot feel that.. I grew up.. Time went on, and my age kept on increasing... More studies, More responsibilities ( I had two siblings, U see, so I was supposed to be the elder one  as I said earlier), but yet, I was pretty much the same in my basic characteristics..  I grew up, I went to college and eventually graduated from college..

Now you might say, in All this transition, I must have felt the growing up.. Yes, I did feel the growing up then, As years went on and on, I did feel more and more responsibilities on me, More burden of studies and more independance.. But From within, I was the same 3 year old who still liked to play, enjoyed playing with every small bit of paper or the likes of it, Enjoyed the occasional pampering by my mum, still cried for my failures and rejoiced at my successes...

After my graduation, I started work.. Now, after this the Age is just a shrouding mystery to me.. Every year, My birthday arrives, and I grow a year older but I dont really feel the difference by what I was a day before my birthday and a day after that.. I feel pretty much the same.. For me, my Birthday is just like any other day in my life..
When I was 3, I used to lookup to people who were in the 1st Grade as the most responsible people ever on earth, Eventually, when I reached the 1st Grade, I realised that the 1st graders then were just kids like me.. In the same way, when I was 16, I used to look up to my seniors and could vouch that there is no one who is more responsible.. But when I reached the final year of college I was as clueless as I was at the age of 16..

The age group of responsible people just increased as I grew and tomorrow I would be entering an age which My mum says is a respectable age to be mature, have control over one's life, would have planned well ahead for the future..But Honestly, I am not sure at this age. I still feel like a young child left in a place with a lot of doors and confused to find the right one.. I am not a mature individual, Not responsible, I dont have any control over things in my life nor have I planned well Ahead for my future...
I am not feeling a day older than what I was last year this day or all the previous years on the same day!.. Then what is Age??

I dont have any answer... I hope I feel a little differently tomorrow than the way I feel today.. I hope I feel I am 27.. ( Although, I dont know what that feeling should be) :)... Because, I still enjoy playing, I can play with any bit of paper or the likes of it, still Enjoy the occasional pampering by my mum, still cry for my failures and rejoice at my successes!

Tuesday, 7 September 2010

Problems Problems all the way!...

Once upon a time, everyone in the world was complaining about their problems in life.. So, God called an emergency meeting and asked them to place all their problems on the table... He then asked them to pick up the problem they think are easier for them and exchange it with their own.. Soon, People were picking up their own problems and retreating...

This is a true fact my reader... I have always seen people around me complaining about how God is unfair with them and they are suffering the most in this world.. Infact, attimes I feel I have been treated unfairly.
But most of the times, these problems are created by ourselves..

All of us are aware of EGO, You will be awed my reader as to how this ego is necessary for most of our problems..Let me list out the problems I face

1. I feel I am not good looking, That God has only made me fat in this world...Well, I was just analyzing yesterday and I realised how wrong I was.. Ofcourse I am a little on the plumpier side, but Hold on, I am as healthy as any slim/fit person in this world. I dont have any illnesses, I can play with my child without getting tired.. Lift weights without feeling drained and work 24 hours round the clock without collapsing.. Now, If I see the positive side of things, I should not be feeling so bad about being plumpy..There must be many people in this world who are obese and restricted with activities.. Now, Why do I have this problem, Because my ego realises that I am not at par with other people who are slim and fit.. I have created this problem myself by trying hundreds of weightloss methods, stress and dissappointment when they dont work out... If I just leave my weight to itself, I need not bother about it at all..

2. My son's upbringing!... I always feel I am a lousy mum who doesnot know to rear children.. Can you imagine from the past few days I am unable to sleep because of this issue. You will be surprised to know that my poor son is not even 2 years old, can read the alphabet by himself, show the parts of his body, Will tell u when he wants food, and also tell u when he wants to relieve himself.. Come to think of it, is this not progress. My son says Thank you, Sorry and Welcome at the right places.. Treats everyone with respect and even helps old people around.. What more can I ask for? Am I a lousy mum then? This problem is again created by myself.. U know why? I once heard a 18 month old saying Mama, see Doggie... Thts all.. after this encounter, I started feeling my son is underdeveloped, that I am lousy and what not.. I forgot one basic fact that each child is unique and grows accordingly. We can never compare two kids together... This problem is no problem at all.. Only a state of my mind created by myself!

3. I have this weird feeling that I dont have the right partner... HE HE, this is the most funniest problem I have... If I just sit back and count on his good traits, the bad traits just dont seem important at all, But I, nurture the bad traits and enlarge them to a 1000% and then say, I dont have the right partner... Do you want to know how.. My partner is a caring person, He never intrudes my lifestyle, let me wear what I want doesnot interfere with what I do with my money, Never questions about my friend, Understands when I am tired, doesnot bother about how I look, or how much I weigh, Eats whatever I feed him without any complain, Never deprives me of anything.. The only problem with him is he doesnot know to express himself.. Now, Shouldnt I be feeling lucky to have the best one in this world when I have seen women suffering because of their partner's negligence/dominance. But No, I keep feeling I dont have the right person.. All because he is not lovey dovey, like the romantic movie that I saw last weekend, I feel he is not good...

So, My reader, Remember one thing, Most of the problems are created by ourselves either to satisfy our ego, by comparing others or by just not seeing the positive things..
Remember, There is no problem without a solution and if there is, then it is not a problem at all!

Thanks to one and all for liking my write ups!... Do leave your suggestions if any

Friday, 3 September 2010

And They Live Happily Ever After!

I was wondering on the topic for my next blog. When one of my friends suggested I write an Inside story of marriage.. Now, Thts an interesting topic Is it not my reader!... So here you go!.. The next few blogs( or More) would be dedicated to Marriage!...

Indian Cinema is never complete without a marriage scene.. Normally, in a movie we see a boy meeting girl, falling in love, parents oppose, the couples try to convince their set of parents and finally the marriage, the Movie ends with " They lived happily ever After". Nobody really shows what happens after marriage..

I remember when I reached the adoloscent age, I was fascinated with love marriages, I used to watch all these Romantic movies intently..  and My Mum, who was scared I might follow the footprints always used to point out that most movies end on a happy note and they never show what happens after.. ( Well, According to her atleast, love marriages are not successful and breakdown soon after marriage).. Influenced by her words, I had vowed not to fall into such a trap... Eventually, I didnot fall into that trap, but yes, you guessed it right my reader, I did choose my life partner on my own...

The perception of love marriage has changed a lot over generations. I have seen couples being ousted from their families, being cast as social threats once upon a time  for getting married to being accepted these days

Recently, One of my friends got married to a boy of her choice with her parents agreeing to the match although they belong to different social backgrounds and She is very happy after that.. So Now I wonder whether my mom was, you know, wrong about atleast this one!...

I am not a strong believer of religion and my basis to a successful marriage is based on some other criteria.

Most of my cousins have had an arranged match. Some of them have had a love marriage. I have seen arranged marriages crumple like a tower of cards  in the same way as so called Love marriage. So, I dont believe arranged marriages are better over love marriages or vice versa, but both stand on the same belief which is the basis of a marriage.

All of us are individuals brought up in different households which have a unique culture. I dont think any two houses in the world follow the same recipe of a traditional dish( although these days they might due to many cookery blogs available on the internet :P).. so when the recipe cannot be same, the thinking, the culture, the tradition can differ too right!..

According to my mum, the basis of a successful Indian marriage is in being arranged by the elders. The latter of which was true in this case. But, although the marriage continues, I dont call it successful..
I have seen the wife literally living in the dread of her husband!.. She is being suppressed by his dominance and he loves to discriminate her infront of everyone.. He makes her do things which she doesnt like and she does it like a meek little rat!.. All this because the girl is less educated than him, is not stunningly beautiful or confident.
At an young age of 32 that  poor girl has diabetes, tennis elbow and loads of other illnesses.

See, This is the inside story of a marriage... Now lets analyze this.. This marriage is not successful. It is sustaining only because the girl doesnot have the guts to speak up for herself!.. The husband is a Male chauvinist who takes pride in insulting the poor wife and nurtures his ego by doing so!.. I dont think it should work that way! .. Instead, I feel he should support his wife, build her self confidence and boost her morale by encouraging her to learn something new and most of all make her feel that she is loved and cared for.  Inturn, the girl should make an effort to understand her husband's needs, try to cope up with his knowledge and be a wife for him and not his slave..... If this happens, I am sure the marriage will be so successful that it will be envied by everyone around!...

Take another case, In this case, I have seen it work the otherway around.. The husband is being dominated by his wife who puts him down everywhere doesnot appreciate his efforts in taking care of her and nags about his habits all the time. Eventually, the husband bugged of his wife's nagging behavior, took to drinking, and a relationship outside wedlock!.. The wife got to know of his infedility and the marriage just ended in a bad note!.. Now, the girl is in a depression, the husband is lonely and most of all the baby is homeless!...

This is another inside story my reader!.. What do you think went wrong here? The Woman first of all was very rude, nagging and irritating all the time and never appreciated what she had. She constantly compared her husband to others and finally lost him due to this behavior.. She could have simply had a straight talk about her expectations and sorted it out rather than nagging all the time.. Even the husband is at fault here though, He could have put his foot down about the behavior and spoken to her about it instead of drinking or getting into another relationship.. What about the innocent child? Why is the child punished for no mistake?

 Both the above instances of marriage is a writer's dream cos we can debate a lot about what is wrong and right about these scenarios.
But, In actual what is inside a marriage?
My Reader, I think it is common in a marriage to have differences.. If there is no difference of opinion, might aswell it is not marriage but a one sided relationship where only one has the say and the other follows.
When two normal individuals with different personalities live together, there is ought to be different perceptions about various things which according to me is normal.. All the matters is that both understand that the perceptions are different, talk and sort out their differences..  For E.g. when me and My partner have some differences, we speak up to each other frankly and then arrive at a common solution so that either of us is not hurt.
Second, About responsibilities.. As we all know Marriage is a commitment for life.. In our marriage wow, We include things like I will take care of you in sickness and health and keep you happy all through our life and not leave you...I dont think it is entirely husband's responsibility to ensure that his wife is happy.. The poor husband slogs his butts off and tries to provide for his wife who wants everything in this world to keep her happy... Nor do I think it is the wife's responsibility to ensure that the husband gets sumptous meals all the time, His tie is always at the stipulated place and his shoes are polished all the time.. 

Marriage is more about understanding each other and sharing every responsibility. If the wife is not working, she needs to understand that her husband is not a superman and is trying his best to make her life comfortable.. Inturn she should take care of her husband's needs and make it easier for him to go through his work life.. It becomes her responsibility to ensure he gets his food on time, his clothes are laundered and his shoes are polished.. and the kids are taken care of .. Ofcourse, the husband can lend a hand when the wife needs him...

In another way, If the wife is also working, the husband needs to understand that his wife also struggles to make their world a better place to live for the both of them and not make things difficult for her by demanding things unreasonably..  It doesnot become the wife's responsibility to cook a meal for him or launder his clothes.. They should share the chores together.. That way neither the wife is stressed too much after her work.. Nor the husband.. It would increase their WE time and ensure they get some quality time together.. because chores are a lot easier when they are shared..

This is the inside story of marriage my  reader.. This is known probably to each and everyone of us but Rarely is this implemented in real world..The husband becomes a miser and tries to stop his wife from buying anything that she wants incase she isnt working and doesnt give any economical independence to her... The wife inturn becomes greedy and demands unrealistic things which the husband cant provide.. and in the other instance, the husband refuses to play his part in the household and which makes the wife too stresssed to handle both home and office..

I really hope that my blog is of some use to you my reader and if this idea is actually put to use, I am sure No husband will complain about his wife nor the wife will struggle to manage.. Instead, There will be so much peace and quiet that Marriage will really seem to be a pair made in heaven..

The saying "And they lived happily everafter" will actually mean happily ever after :)

Thank you!

Wednesday, 1 September 2010

Money is Honey, Honey!

Disclaimer :  Please donot read is you are too futuristic and materialistic!

I have always been this carefree person who doesnot care much about the long lost future or the long forgotten past. I always live for today!.. Ofcourse, I am aware that I should be saving for the winter, which I do, but only suffice for me to survive during those difficult times. The rest of my money, my hard earned money goes into my today, My wonderful today which I like living to the fullest..

You have a larger than life attitude accuses my partner! But Hey, All my life, I have heard it is good to have an attitude like that!..

All my childhood, I have seen my parents struggling to meet ends meet. They had to provide for 2 ever hungry children, Children who were hungry for knowledge, food, clothing and shelter!.. I have always seen my mom stopping herself from buying that fav Sari just because she had to save for her future!... or my dad skipping his favorite food to take care of ours!

To summarize, with a meagre salary of a few thousands, my parents used to feed, clothe and educate their 3 children, try to save for their future and also take care of the mountain of bills that used to pile up at the end of every month! A future which is their today and they are as penniless as they were all those years ago. Today they are struggling to get their daughters' married off, their son settled and to their future!..

I really appreciate my parents and am ever grateful for them for providing me good education without which I would not be penning my thoughts here today! I would never be so successful in life without their little sacrifices. I, Thank you Mum and Dad with all my heart for that!

But, Sometimes I feel,  Was their sacrifices worth it? Yes, their children are successful today and everything but what do they have in their kitty? All their life they have tried to save for their future but now when that long dreaded future arrives they are as clueless as they were those many years ago! I really feel sorry for my mum and dad.
As a daughter I do try and give them all the happiness in this world. I want to give them everything they might have sacrificed, the holidays they skipped or the dinner dates they missed, but can I wipe their dissappointments? No, I can never do that!...

That is the root for my carefree attitude. Today, Thanks to my parents' sacrifice, I have a lucrative career and earn 6 digit salary and am successful in life! I have been saving enough for my son's education and my future. Then is there anything wrong if I spend rest of my money in what I desire? Is it wrong for me to buy that dress I adore in the boutiques window even though I might be having a handful? Is it wrong for me to eat out when I am tired? I dont think so!

Why shouldnt I feel thankful to God for giving me such a good life? Why should I brood over things and make life difficult for myself?

I know dear reader, you must be feeling Why am I asking you these questions ?

My Partner feels there should be lakhs of rupees in one's account to feel secure. Is it absolutely neccessay? I am happy with a few grands in my account. I know I am saving up enough when the need be. I know I have my future safely locked up some where. So Why cant I spend money??

I am sure of one thing , For me Money is not honey, Honey!.. Money is just a means to make my today a better place to live in and my future a secure enough place to survive!.. It is not everything, and I dont need to have lakhs of rupees to make myself feel secure and happy!...

I am happy with what I do and I dont need any suggestions to improve my lifestyle, Thank you very much!...

So on that note, I leave you my reader to prioritize your life!..