Tuesday, 25 October 2011

Scary Feeling - Being Lonely!

Honestly, I am surrounded by loads of people all the time.. My mum who checks on me every two hours over the phone. My life partner whHEo apparently slogs day in and day out to make me get all the comforts of life.. my son with his antics.. my Brother and all his mood swings.. Lots of colleagues who say I am a nice person to be around..
Yet, I am alone..

"May be you are mentally disturbed and hence you get this feeling" There is no need for you to be lonely..." this was the reaction when I happened to speak about my loneliness...

Am I? I seem to ask myself.. I am just a normal individual who asks for nothing but undivided attention when I am around atleast for sometime!..

Yes, My mum calls me every two hours.. But mostly she is preoccupied with what she needs to cook for breakfast/lunch/dinner.. Or she is worried about how to get the house cleaned.. or she is busy with her meetings and get togethers.. No, I am not complaining.. All I ask from her is 10 mins of her undivided time where in she listens to me.. while I just pour my heart out.. And anytime, I voice this, I get to hear things like Women have to compromise or better still.. you have no other better business but to complain!... I am not sure if I am wrong... Am I wrong in asking her for sometime for me to speak to her and her alone and not with her existing commitments? I am not sure!

Yes, My partner slogs day in and day out to buy me all the comforts of life.. But who asked him to? What use is a car, a microwave or a top end refrigerator, if I am not in peace?... Sadly, Although he gives me all the facilities in life.. He forgets the basic thing of being with me when I want him around... Although we stay in the same house, we rarely converse... Even if we do, I am mostly blabbering around with him either concentrating on an award function on TV.. or checking out the HT after hours magazine.... Again, I am not complaining.. I am not sure why an award function or what somebody else is doing in their life is so important to him, that he rather not give me attention!...

We celebrated our anniversary together recently and when he asked me what present I want, I just told him How his undivided attention towards me is my biggest gift in the world.. But while I was saying this, he suddenly found some stupid daily soap more interesting... I really felt very bad and stopped talking to him for sometime and he says Come on I give you all the facilities in life.. What more do you want?? How do I make him understand that materialistic things dont matter to me!... I am really confused!...

I can understand my son, though and I knw I cant expect anything from that dear child.. He is the only reason why I am still alive!...

I have friends.. So called friends who call me when they want me and dont really have the patience nor the time to hear me out!...
I feel like going to a psychiatrist.. And if I mention this even in the passing.. I come across so much bewilderment and shock at the very mention of it..!

Am I wrong in asking for time? Have people become so busy that they cannot see what the other person wants?
Through this post, I just want to say one thing to all those whom I matter to!... It is not necessary that you give me big presents to make me happy... All I want is your time.. some undivided attention... Is It so difficult?