Sunday, 4 March 2012

Thank God for Small Mercies!

One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"

"It was great, Dad."

"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.

"Oh yeah," said the son.

"So, tell me, what you learned from the trip?" asked the father.

The son answered, "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon. We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us; they have friends to protect them."

The boy's father was speechless.  Then his son added, "Thanks, Dad, for showing me how poor we are."

This is the amazing power of perception. For a person, if a glass is half full.. another can deem it Half empty and that is a known fact!.

 I am very philosophical and on a typical day, you can mostly find me guiding others with their problems with solutions which if I apply with my life, My own life would be a lot better.

A lot of my friends, well wishers neighbors call me a happy go lucky person, with a very positive outlook of life. A person who can smile through any difficulty or any issue in life. A person who can work when he is sick.
and Most of all, A person to whom they can go to and find a solution to most of their problems. I have friends who tell me, my mere presence is very reassuring for them.

Recently, One of my friends had done some stupid error. She called me to find out where I was and then when I told her I was just downstairs, she completed the call without telling me what exactly the problem was. When I reached her desk, I reprimanded her for making me worry sick, She tells me " When I got to know you are around, My problem didnot look like a problem at all" and that's why she disconnected.

I have a lot of people coming up to me and telling me, If you are not around, it is going to be very difficult for us to stay. Infact, If I leave early one day, the next day I can find a lot of unanswered pings :)..

I am really amazed. I know, the picture I painted above, will make me come out as some kind of a guiding star who has a solution for all the problems in this world..

But Honestly, I really dont know for which qualities of mine, people look up to me.. I am neither a role model, nor a high performer, nor authorized to provide solutions. I am just another employee in a large organization with lots of her own problems and confusions..

Yet, people perceive me as some kind of a visionary whose mere presence can solve most of their problems.. :)... Funny, you say!.. I say too myself!..

Now why I am self praising you say!.. No, I am not even attempting that.. Sincerely, Although it feels good that I have impacted so many peoples' life atleast in a small way.. I am as confused as a school boy to actually comprehend why?

All I do, is lend a shoulder to anyone who wants to cry, May be look up for some information that they want and give it to them, or even, guide them to the right person who can help them. That is all!..

Why I am writing this.. Strange, but I would soon be leaving this assignment moving on in life.. When the news got circulated within the project, I got loads of pings from people asking me not to leave the project..

I sincerely thank God for giving me this opportunity to be of some use to people around me.It has been a wonderful experience in this assignment..

Honestly, More than 80% of what I know today, I have learnt from just this assignment.

But anyways, this post was not a thank you letter or a farewell note.

This was on perception!.. and as much as I say, people perceive me as some kind of a visionary.. I myself feel like a lost child!..
The irony is that, Although I might be of so much help(!!!, I dont think so) to people, I myself feel, I need help most of the time. I am searching for a suitable mentor, who can guide me, who can mentor me..

and If I dont find one soon, Who knows what is going to happen of me!...

Regards,
Nicky!

Tuesday, 25 October 2011

Scary Feeling - Being Lonely!

Honestly, I am surrounded by loads of people all the time.. My mum who checks on me every two hours over the phone. My life partner whHEo apparently slogs day in and day out to make me get all the comforts of life.. my son with his antics.. my Brother and all his mood swings.. Lots of colleagues who say I am a nice person to be around..
Yet, I am alone..

"May be you are mentally disturbed and hence you get this feeling" There is no need for you to be lonely..." this was the reaction when I happened to speak about my loneliness...

Am I? I seem to ask myself.. I am just a normal individual who asks for nothing but undivided attention when I am around atleast for sometime!..

Yes, My mum calls me every two hours.. But mostly she is preoccupied with what she needs to cook for breakfast/lunch/dinner.. Or she is worried about how to get the house cleaned.. or she is busy with her meetings and get togethers.. No, I am not complaining.. All I ask from her is 10 mins of her undivided time where in she listens to me.. while I just pour my heart out.. And anytime, I voice this, I get to hear things like Women have to compromise or better still.. you have no other better business but to complain!... I am not sure if I am wrong... Am I wrong in asking her for sometime for me to speak to her and her alone and not with her existing commitments? I am not sure!

Yes, My partner slogs day in and day out to buy me all the comforts of life.. But who asked him to? What use is a car, a microwave or a top end refrigerator, if I am not in peace?... Sadly, Although he gives me all the facilities in life.. He forgets the basic thing of being with me when I want him around... Although we stay in the same house, we rarely converse... Even if we do, I am mostly blabbering around with him either concentrating on an award function on TV.. or checking out the HT after hours magazine.... Again, I am not complaining.. I am not sure why an award function or what somebody else is doing in their life is so important to him, that he rather not give me attention!...

We celebrated our anniversary together recently and when he asked me what present I want, I just told him How his undivided attention towards me is my biggest gift in the world.. But while I was saying this, he suddenly found some stupid daily soap more interesting... I really felt very bad and stopped talking to him for sometime and he says Come on I give you all the facilities in life.. What more do you want?? How do I make him understand that materialistic things dont matter to me!... I am really confused!...

I can understand my son, though and I knw I cant expect anything from that dear child.. He is the only reason why I am still alive!...

I have friends.. So called friends who call me when they want me and dont really have the patience nor the time to hear me out!...
I feel like going to a psychiatrist.. And if I mention this even in the passing.. I come across so much bewilderment and shock at the very mention of it..!

Am I wrong in asking for time? Have people become so busy that they cannot see what the other person wants?
Through this post, I just want to say one thing to all those whom I matter to!... It is not necessary that you give me big presents to make me happy... All I want is your time.. some undivided attention... Is It so difficult?

Tuesday, 12 July 2011

Settling Down is so unsettling!

" You should not have any problem, You are settled in life" .. This was the comment by one of my friends when we were having the usual discussion about life...

Made me ponder... Am I settled?

What is the settled feeling I wonder!... Does having furniture in your home, being married or having children qualify you to the settled category? Does it mean once you have all this you are settled for life? Then why this unsettled feeling all the time!...

I have been married for 4 years now, have a full time job, a wonderful child.. but yet sometimes I feel, when will I settle down...
I am like a child trapped in an adult body.
Talk to my parents about the feeling, I get to hear what more do you want?? you must feel lucky you have everything in life so early...
Talk to my lifepartner, He'll say, I have tried my level best to give you all the facilities, and keep you happy.. You have everything that a human being desires and all the damn things required to make your life easier and yet you complain!...
Makes me confused.. Am I expecting too much out of life?
I thought settling down meant  you have a definite goal in your life, a road which you can traverse in order to reach your own goals, a routine which makes you feel secured in life...
I dont feel that yet in life... I am as lost as a trekker who might have lost his way in the jungle.. I am yet to know what I want from my life, Let alone set my goals and feel secured...

Am I wrong?  Am I expecting too much.. is a question I ask myself.. I am yet to get an answer.. Can anybody help me find it!...
Nicky!

Friday, 25 February 2011

The task of Home making!

I am a forced full time house wife from 10 days now. Although my son is perfectly active and is upto his usual antics, Since he has chicken pox, he cant be sent to school!.... Which leaves me little choice...

These 10 days have been the most illuminating days of my life... First, I realized what I am missing in my life..  (my Son's antics, growing up). Second and the most important thing, It is not easy to be a house wife!...

When my son got diagonised with Chicken pox, My first reaction was sadness, I was sad that my son had to go through the whole thing and moreover, I had to take a leave of absence  But deep down inside, I was welcoming the break.

I thought, Now, I could relax, watch TV whenever I want and  catch upon my favorite shows, have a good afternoon siesta, Cook my favorite food, read my favorite books, do my favorite activities...  Cos, I always used to think that a house wife is the luckiest human being on earth, since, she didnot  bother about earning money nor had to work hard for a living..

Now that I was a interim Housewife.. I thought upon myself that I will do things that a house wife would do. My maid also supported me in this cause by taking a leave of absence without informing me. This made me do all the trivial things like making chapatis, doing the dishes, running the vaccum, Dusting the windows or scrubbing the floor. I further stopped bringing cut veggies, but brought vegetables off the cart in a vegetable market and cut them myself. Washing machine was switched off for a while and I used to wash clothes myself, since I thougt it would be unhygeinic, given that we had a sick child @ home.  On top of all this I had a hyper active son who was always upto some or the other mischief.

Honestly, I could never catch a wink of sleep that I was so eagerly looking forward to, Neither could I ever read my favorite book. Ofcourse, I could do the cooking bit!... Cos, My husband had taken upon himself to demand anything and everything off the global cuisine on the menu.. So, There I was slogging in the kitchen, One day making italian pasta, the next day making his favorite Gulab jamuns or My son's favorite soup!.... And at the end of each day, I was so worn out and tired. This kind of tiredness was alien to me..

As I am working, I had a lot of facilities at home, like There was a maid who used to come in twice daily for cleaning and washing the dishes, She used to hang out the washed clothes and the sundried clothes were sorted for ironing. There was one more maid who used to come in to make the chapatis. I had everything at my door step which was normally ordered by the maid. I never used to find time to properly cook. I never tried to cook anything complicated and always stuck to easy 10 min recipes. Still, I used to feel tired at the end of the day and used to pride myself that I handle both home and office single handedly!

For the first time in my life,  I realized that being a home maker is no joke...

We never appreciate the efforts of our mothers/wives who work so hard during the day and cook for us, clean our houses, ensure our clothes are washed ironed and stacked neatly. For us, they were such menial tasks which didnot require any hardwork or effort.
I have heard my colleagues speaking @ office, so what if my wife has to get up early to cook, She has all the time in the day when she can rest.

Trust me, After I have experienced it myself, I would say, It is the home maker who is always late to bed, early to rise and strives to make our lives healthy, proper and nice!....

Tuesday, 1 February 2011

The tale of an Happy marriage!

Well, I dont want to be redundant when I write, But this is one topic which intrigues me all the time!.. Happy Marriage!..

What is a happy marriage? When can we consider people to be happily married? How to we deem a marriage successful/unsuccessful?

These are some of the questions that I keep pondering over. Let me tell you my reader, I am married for 3 years now. My marriage is successful and happy when I speak to some of my friends who have had troubled marriages. The same is true according to my parents, relatives etc. The same is true for me too if I compare it with some of the contemporaries that I have seen. But still, these questions loom over my head.

Well, I have been always told to be writing something about marriage, the inside stories of marriage and share my experiences. Here are some of them.

The main reason why I ponder whether my marriage is happy or not is that in the last 3 years, it has been a herculean task to have a normal conversation with my partner. That, We come from very different social backgrounds forms the crux of all the arguments we have. I have given up on finding ways to make my partner understand what is Love, attachment and emotions.
Don't assume he has none of them, For, He is a wonderful person who loves his family, Ensures every minute of his free time is family time, is a dutiful father and a caring husband.
Confused my reader!.. I know you are, cos I myself am. I have hit the dead end in understanding why such a caring person is so detached from everybody other than me and my son!, for E.g., when my father sent something he required without delay, just because he did not need it anymore, He didnot bother to collect the parcel!.. Here is where I am stuck, How do I make him realise that when people to something for us, the least we could do is appreciate their effort!...

The other reason why I am confused is his temperament!... His punch line always has been " Expenses for some things which are necessary for a comfortable living are acceptable" But till today, I am unable to define, what he thinks is necessary and what is useless :) For e.g. He tells me, if you are tired don't cook, we can order something from outside. Think it is good!, Now read the downside, the next day he complains that we are unnecessarily spending on eating out.   In such a case, what do I do? Am I not entitled to being tired when I have to manage, office, home and kid at the same time?

He is too too too compassionate towards others which is the other reason why we argue. If the maid absents her self, he says she might have some problem at home, which is fine and understandable, But even if she repeats the same almost every alternate day, Should I not fire her and hire another one? According to him, No, cos, We need to understand their problems. I wish I had such an employer cos, when I try to explain the same to my supervisor, I am told in my appraisal, U take too many unplanned leaves and hence I cannot give u a 5 :)..

O.K my reader, this is not a complaint post about my husband. Anyways, if You really want to know the insight of marriage all these things I guess do make some impact.

Trust me, No Man is perfect, so no marriage is. But if both Husband and wife are able to live with imperfections as the above, the marriage is not only happy and successful, but it is close to being perfect. Mine is!

Monday, 24 January 2011

A Task called Parenting!

Hi My readers,

It is a while since I have blogged.. The obvious reason is the topic of this one :).. I have missed my "My Time" during which I used to blog, update my FB status, Check my mails, write my diary and so on...

Ok, Let me clarify one thing here. I am a working mother to a spritely little toddler who has taken upon himself to ensure his Mum never sits at one place and is constantly on her toes.. I have not known a moment of peace after he has started staying with us (P.S. My sonny was with my mum during his second year and recently started staying with us).

He has his unique way of ensuring his mum never has a moment of peace. On a normal weekday, I struggle to wake him up, get him ready to school and reach office without being late, but on weekends, the time which I look forward to catching up on some sleep, My sonny boy is up as early as 6 AM and starts demanding breakfast!
I leave him in a creche during the day and as soon as I pick him up in the evening, He starts of with an out of the world demand which unless met becomes a nasty tantrum. The most recent one being the horse ride :)

Dealing with his tantrums is still an enigma to me. I have read loads of articles on parenting but none of them seem to help me when it comes to this. All my knowledge on parenting ( both theoritical and Practical) go vain and useless.

Most of the books/articles about dealing with tantrums asks me to ignore the same or be firm about not giving in to the demand. But honestly, when the poor baby cries his heart out I just feel like giving him anything that he asks. I refrain from doing it and here I am landing in his red book. So much so that once his Papa comes home, he outrightly refuses my advances to feed him, clothe him or clean him. Which makes me rethink whether I am right in not giving in to his demands.

I try to bring in some discipline in him by making him take off his own shoes, making him eat at the dining table alone, readying his bag for school or other simple chores like putting the soiled dishes in the sink.. I know I am taxing him sometimes, but then I want him to survive independantly even if I am not with him anymore. May be I am too early in teaching him these things, but then I have always been told it is better to start early cos you can bend a plant in which ever direction you want but you cant bend a tree..

I have always had doubts in my mind about my parenting style. I dont compare myself to others but I have seen my contemporaries( read parents having same age kids) doing the same thing as me. I hate it when my son refuses me which makes me think whether I am right in doing whatever I am doing.

I feel there can never be a style defined for Parenting. Each set of parents need to define their own styles in the upbringing of their children which will suit them and their kids fine. For E.g. My friend used to put her 2 yr old in her own room and the child adjusted just fine, but when I tried the same with my son, He was back to our bedroom in just 10 mins time. Now I have stopped trying.
Many of my friends keep telling me to stop bottle feeding my son since he is already 2, but however much I try, My son resists drinking from a cup. Although he does drink from the cup, He prefers his bottle.

Now tell me, Where am I wrong?? I am so confused about the whole thing. This is one task which is proving to be herculean to me. I have been a topper all the time but this time, I fail miserably!...

I hope someday I clear my test of parenting and define my own Parenting style!..

Any Suggestions any one!

Nicky!

Tuesday, 21 September 2010

A boon called Daughter!

It was a beautiful day!.. Early Morning rays were kissing her Good morning and she was in turn smiling in her sleep..
Ah, It was a beautiful sight! I could just watch her sleep through out the day.. Such is the serene beauty of her that emmitted a radiance wherever she went..

Every single day of my life, I thanked God for bestowing upon me nature's priceless creation. Quickly, I darted to my wardrobe to get my camera.. I had to capture this moment of blissful innocence...

We had met hardly 3 years ago but still she has become the very reason of my existence. The very reason of my slogging day and night in the office to provide her the finest of clothing, the best of education and a perfect life. But Life is far from Perfect!

Mama, What are you thinking? Asks my innocent little daughter and I am broken out of my reverie.. There I was sitting at my desk in my study and trying to analyze the situation at home.

By the way, I am a working mother to a lovely daughter. Lovely because my daughter is the most understanding thing in the world and always got along with any schedule that I conferred upon her based on my convinience..
But today, I am in a dilemma. My Inlaws are troubling me to bear a son. According to my inlaws, our family was incomplete without a heir. It is as if we are the last descendants of the species and if we die without a heir the entire species would be extinct!..
 In recent times,I have noticed somethings which were weird ( atleast according to me). My husband has started saving for my daughters wedding and my inlaws are preserving anything and everything to pass on to her in Dowry..

I dont understand... Are Girl's of today not self dependant? I have not seen any difference between a girl and a boy.. God has given both equal amount of brains, Strength.. A girl is capable of studying as much as a boy and even excels in studies in today's times.. You can see more of Girls than boys in the topper lists..
I have always known Girls who are there for their parents even after their wedding. A girl not only accepts her husband's home as her own and cares for them, She never leaves behind her own family. She just adds new responsibilities...
I have always seen, Boys struggling to take care of their parents after their wedding.. I have seen men saying what they earn is not suffice for their family hence, they cant take care of their parents, but I have never seen a girl doing the same thing.. As a girl of today, even after 3 years of my wedding, I can claim I have never put my parents down. When I can manage both my homes efficiently, Why cant a man?? Then what is the point of yearning for a son when he doesnot care for his parents?

During the times when there was an argument on this matter, My Inlaws say, there should be some one to pass on the family legacy and take care of the final rites when we die.. This is the most weirdest thing I have heard.. Why bother what happens after we die? Why cant a girl pass on the family legacy? Dont I give my daughter the same cultural upbringing as I might give my son had it been the case?
I have read in newspapers that people actually check the gender of the foetus and try to kill it just because it is a girl!... This is a murder. How can you stop a child from coming to the earth just based on what gender it is?
I have also seen people differentiating in terms of facilities.. I remember long time ago, my own uncle put his boy in a private school with better facilities and his daughter would go to the nearest govt  school. Further he stopped the girl from studying engineering even though she was a topper of her school while her brother got to go to the best Engineering college in the area although his father paid a lumpsum for his admission. But Why such a bias?? The Irony is that the girl, although was denied education is doing well in her profession and the boy who was given such  preferential treatment is working in a call center which is nowhere close to his degree! Today, My uncle is proud because he has a daughter!... Wow, thats some transformation!

Long time ago, when my sister was born, Nobody visited my mother or the baby just because it was a girl!,
Also,I remember my own grandmother forcing my mother to have a son, She even threatened to kill herself If my mother opted for the surgery!...... My mother did give into her and along came my brother.. But all along their lives they had to skrimp on things because they had to bring one more member in the family whom they couldnt afford owing to their financial commitments..And Imagine, if the third child was a girl too... then would my poor parents have been forced yet again! and if it were the case, My parents would have to just skrimp further and God knows, if they could afford us the education they have given the three of us.. had there been a fourth one!

 My parents are never to be blamed for what they did because they never differentiated between us.. But All along my life, I remember my relatives pitying my mother for having two daughters... Although, today the same relatives are proud to call both of us a part of their family just because we are successful in our fields and earn as much as a  boy could earn..What an Irony!...

The Point here is that I am against the whole idea of yearning for a son.. For me, the most important thing in this world is to provide a comfortable life to my offspring be it a boy or a girl.. I, as a person would never compromise to bring in another life when I know that I cannot afford it.. Even if it would mean I dieing without a heir apparent (whatever that means!)..



People, it is a beautiful feeling to have a daughter in your life and those of you who dont have one, you are missing out on something so exotic. I can giveup a thousand sons to have one daughter because, A son is a son till he gets himself one, But a daughter is a daughter all her life!

Please stop female infanticide. Let the girl child live. Please uphold all the rights for girlchildren. Please remember everybody has an equal right to survive, be it a boy or a girl!